x_tikkipost_17

The cross is a meaningful Christian symbol. But this past year, I learned to really look at the cross. It is made up of two bars: a vertical bar and a horizontal bar. For me, the vertical bar represents my relationship with God, and the horizontal bar represents my relationship with others. Both are essential, which I didn't learn until recently.

I want to talk about my relationship with others, particularly one friend named Cita. I met Cita my freshman year of high school. She's in my closest circle of friends. We had classes together in high school, we were in clubs together, and of course we hung out outside of school. I'm a boring person, but Cita is so not a boring person. She is the friend who comes up with random things to do like make scavenger hunts or build gingerbread construction sites (they didn't last as houses very long). I'd say our friendship is pretty average: we have good times and bad times. Sometimes Cita would have a bad day and take it out on me, just because I happened to be there. And I would let her, because I knew in a few days we'd be ok again. That's how it is - we always are ok again. Well, Cita and I started college at UF together. I was really happy our friendship strengthened, and actually she was the only high school friend I regularly hung out with after college started. First year of college, she pretty much lived on my floor. Again, there were good times and bad times. One specific bad time... at the beginning of the past school year. We had a fight, but this time I said, You know what? I need to stand up for myself. I don't want a friend who stresses me like this. It's not worth the friendship. And I told Cita to "never contact me again."

And I figured we'd be ok in a week or two, because that's what always happens. I was over it in a few days, but I was just being stubborn. But days and weeks went by, and we still hadn't reconciled. Remember the cross made up of two bars? I didn't accept it at the time, but I realize now that my inability to forgive Cita started driving a wedge between me and God. It affected me more than I admitted. The past school year was rough for me in so many ways. Cita and I didn't speak all year. Actually, that's wrong. We started emailing each other a little bit around February. I figured, ok by the summer we'll be back to normal and hanging out all the time. That's how it always is.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008. Cita was riding her bike on a trail a little outside of Gainesville. She was hit by a van, ejected from her bike, and died. That was around 5pm, and by 10pm, I had heard the news through the grapevine and drove over to her dorm room. It shocked me that here I was, in her dorm, for the first time all year. It was so strange to think we were so attached freshman year... I felt absolutely horrible. We hadn't fully reconciled, and now I wouldn't get another chance to.

Why am I telling you guys this story? It's not that I want to make you cry, it's because I think there are a couple of lessons to be learned. First of all, don't take people for granted. So cliche, but seriously. Whatever drama you're having with people in your life, trust me, it's not worth it. I think my story is a story about forgiveness, and not just among people. If there is anything, any issue that you have right now, with yourself, with God... let it go. Let go and let God, because he is bigger than any problem you are having.

And as for the song I chose: if you don't listen to the whole song, at least just listen to the first line, because it summarizes everything...

[Please Youtube the song if you don't know it!]

Alright so I'm not going to delete the lj lol. But I'm done with it for awhile... so here's ( my last post. )


This journal is now c l o s e d .

Just letting my lil lj community know that I'll be deleting my lj soon (after I save some Memories entries). I'm just done with it. It's been good sharing a lot of my thoughts with you all and I've read some pretty awesome stuff through lj so thank you :o)

If you want to keep in touch (although I already KIT with most of you lol) email or call or facebook me.

I love life :o)

Forget the losers. Don't waste your energy on them - instead focus on the amazing friends that you have. And when I say friends I don't exclusively mean those people you spend time with day after day. Friendships come in all shapes and sizes. Some friendships are spread over different time zones. Some friendships are young and some go way back to when you wore Mr. Potato Head glasses together.

Today reminded me of what it means to have friends. A friend means a person is connected to your heart. Some friends are good for giving advice. Some friends always know how to make you laugh. Some friends share the best memories of the good old days. And some friends you may hardly ever have reason to hang out with - but your hearts are still connected in the oddest way - and you realize how after those rare but refreshing deep convos.

So I find myself surrounded by these awesome people I call friends - people who care about my opinions and whose opinions have the power to influence me. People who miss me when I'm not there. People who tell me they love me and back it up by their actions. People who matter.

Miami till Thurs.
I'm sorry.
I'm indifferent to losers.
Praying for you.
Lil One is awesome.
Abortion is wrong.
Cinderella style.
I miss people.
Slightly stressed.
Summertime is hot.
Postcard from Aussieland.
Wings everywhere.
Making money.
Keys is a beast.
I love Cita.
Hanging out with cool kids this weekend.
CD in the making for Michelle.
Good music > good mood.
Thought provoking questions to answer.
Terrible crisis in Mid East.
Mary Lynn's finally home.
Never enough time.

Preview was flippin insane. I thought I was the last person to go from around here but we saw Joanna there which was fun. I did meet up with KT and Chris and Sandy which was good. Socialized with new people. Some interesting characters. I was def cranky Friday night when we arrived in Tampa but I'm recovering well. Last night we went to the Skyway Pier and went crabbing. Oh small world: Michelle is rooming with one of my GIS friends at ND next year - in the dorm I stayed in actually XoD. Yeah I'm excited and I'm not even going to be there.

Roar. My mood right now is ehh. Tons of reasons to be happy though you know? I'm out for now.

:oP jaded. just let it go and move on.

I'm outtttt of town for awhile now. I'm leaving tomorrow for Gainesville. Very excited to see Sandy & KT ... still have to pack. Stopping in Tampa on the way back. Be home Sunday but leaving Monday for 4 days in Miami. Phone's on. I'm already missing you all and especially the people I didn't get to see in the last week.

Pirates of the Caribbean. Def a looooong movie. It was scary ... and somewhat confusing. And the fact that I was in the first row meant my neck hurt. But all the same awesome experience. Johnny Depp is hilarious. I love the music too.

Anywho I'm kind of on the mellow side these days. Could be a good thing.

Great song: Tisbury Lane by Mae.

What you seek in others you will not find - for it dwells within you. Very true.